Framing the Rape Victim

I must admit that although I always knew of the horrid reality of rape in our culture, this book and our class discussions have really opened my eyes to the underlying reasons behind it. Growing up, I was always a well-endowed early bloomer. In response to this, my mother and I would continuously get in to arguments about my wardrobe. She would constantly remind me to cover up, while I would remind her that I was not showing off my chest on purpose. I wanted to wear the same types of clothes that the other girls my age were wearing, clothes that were not made to fit my chest accurately. Thinking back, I understand that my mom was looking out for me and did not mean anything bad of this, and in fact helped me to understand professionalism. What I realize now, though, is that she was perpetuating the idea that society teaches women not to be raped, instead of telling men not to rape.

This is such a gray area, I completely agree that the focus of rape should be put on men from a young age-- teaching them to respect others from early childhood, include men and women in sex education, etc. This, though, is something that, if happening, will take a while, In the meantime, I do understand why parents of young women teach their daughters safety. It is important that we are aware of our situations and feel confident in case we are ever in a risky situation.

One example of a mother who is teaching her sons this important lesson is my aunt. I have always looked up to my aunt. Her birthday is only a day before mine, and we are very much alike. Unlike my mother, my aunt has a more progressive idea when it comes to sex education. I had a discussion with her about this topic before, and without me even bringing up my opinions, she told me how she approached the topic with her two sons (now ages 13 and 15.) Among the basics, she explained the concept of consent, and that any point, this can be taken away. I thought this was great -- how often to you hear mothers having "the talk" with their sons, and are so comfortable that she is able to discuss something so delicate as rape with her "perfect" boys?

I understand that my aunt is a feminist, and her ideas do not match up with all of those in society. It is my hope, though, that we someday SOON live in a world where more mothers (and fathers!) are educated, confident and comfortable enough to have these types of discussions with their sons.