I Know Very Well How I Got My Name

Elliot DeLine's book I Know Very Well How I Got My Name is a detailed narrative that gives the reader an idea of one possible childhood of a trans person. Although there is no consistent experience that is common among all trans people, some common experiences are represented. One such example is when DeLine talks about feeling like you are so different from other kids that you don't fit in with girls or boys. That is a very lonely feeling that unfortunately does not end in childhood. I will never forget how many times I got the "Are you a girl or a boy?" question when I was a kid. I was so uncomfortable with the fact that I did not fit in with boys because they knew I was not one of them, or the girls because I knew I wasn't one of them. This book made me think of a lot of specific experiences I had as a kid. For example, once when I was probably about eight or nine, I was really into pokemon and specifically Pikachu. I used to pretend that I was Ash because I had short dark hair and Pikachu was yellow, my favorite color, and a perfect sidekick. I was Pikachu for Halloween that year, and when I was at a Halloween party, these two women walked by me and said "look at that cute little boy". Now you would think that because I am a trans guy I would have appreciated that I passed at that moment and been happy. But unlike some trans adults, I did not know I was a boy when I was a kid. I never had that moment of "I know everyone is telling me I'm a girl, but I know I'm a boy." Instead I just felt so different from all other kids but I could never figure out why. I felt so uncomfortable because I knew that in our society, someone not being sure if you were girl or boy was not something you wanted. So the next day I made my mom take me to get my ears pierced. In addition, I always knew that I wished I was a boy, but I also knew that I had the same body parts as my sisters and other little girls. Because of that, I never would have allowed myself to think I was a boy because I figured that wasn't true and I would lying. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized that "wanting" to be a male for my entire life could translate into identifying as one. Before I learned about gender identity and learned that my identity was valid, I thought that being a man was something that I would always want but could never attain. This book made me think of myself as a child. It was easy to read because of its flow, but also hard because it was like reading my own story.